I turned 35 last weekend. Happy Birthday to me.
In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm just now starting my life. It's all brand new. The last year has been full of learning and growing and becoming something better, and it feels like a birthday is the perfect symbol of that.
It's exciting.
My birthday was about as low-key as you can get. I worked the night before and the night of, so I came home from work and crawled in to bed. There I stayed for the entire day, napping to my heart's content. Honestly, I think it was the perfect birthday. :-)
Having a birthday so close to the new year makes for some serious self evaluation and contemplation all at once. The good part of that is I get it all done at the beginning of the year, and don't have to worry about it for 12 months. What? That isn't the way I'm supposed to do it? Oh, well. *giggle*
This year I'm really happy with things. There is always room for improvement, and I have a list a mile long of things I want to accomplish over time. I'm being nice to myself and not putting time limits on any of it. I want to do one thing every day to either accomplish a task or work in the direction of getting it done. That's it. As long as I can say I did something to move myself in the right direction every day, I'm happy.
And boy, that feels good.
~....and that's all I have to say about that....~
Showing posts with label Barefoot's Quest for Self Improvement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barefoot's Quest for Self Improvement. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Just For Today
I have recently (within the year) been introduced to the concept of "just for today". Sometimes I make it "just for the next ten minutes", but the idea is the same.
For years, I have tried to change myself. I have tried to be tidier and more organized. I have tried to be more patient. I have tried to be quieter. I have tried to be more (insert just about every desirable quality here) and less (insert every UN-desirable trait here). It seems like I have spent my entire life trying....
....and failing.
I don't fail anymore. I figured something out, something that I knew in my head for lots of years but was never able to really believe: I'm human. That means I make mistakes. That means that - even with the best intentions and hardest work - I will never be perfect.
So I quit trying (and failing), and I started doing. One day (or 10 minutes) at a time. Oh, I still screw things up. I still say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or forget important steps when doing a project. I still yell when I should give myself a timeout to calm down. Even with all these mistakes, I still have entire 10 minute periods of time (and the rare full day) when I do everything I could wish from myself.
It's amazing how easy it is to succeed when your expectations are changed. I don't expect myself to do every thing right every day. I set little goals for myself that have a time limit and a definite focus. More often than not, I can look back at my day and see that I did accomplish those goals. If I didn't accomplish them all, it's no big deal. I know that I will have another chance tomorrow to achieve whatever goal I set for myself, whether it be listening patiently to Little Sprout's long, involved stories for a full ten minutes.... or cleaning the house... or accepting life/people as it/they come.... or getting on the treadmill of misery for half an hour.
It's all about the attitude folks, and I'm sorry it has taken me over 30 years to figure it out. I stopped paying attention to how far from perfection I am, and started focusing on all my positive traits and accomplishments. That change in attitude makes all the difference in the world.
~....And that's all I have to say about that...~
For years, I have tried to change myself. I have tried to be tidier and more organized. I have tried to be more patient. I have tried to be quieter. I have tried to be more (insert just about every desirable quality here) and less (insert every UN-desirable trait here). It seems like I have spent my entire life trying....
....and failing.
I don't fail anymore. I figured something out, something that I knew in my head for lots of years but was never able to really believe: I'm human. That means I make mistakes. That means that - even with the best intentions and hardest work - I will never be perfect.
So I quit trying (and failing), and I started doing. One day (or 10 minutes) at a time. Oh, I still screw things up. I still say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or forget important steps when doing a project. I still yell when I should give myself a timeout to calm down. Even with all these mistakes, I still have entire 10 minute periods of time (and the rare full day) when I do everything I could wish from myself.
It's amazing how easy it is to succeed when your expectations are changed. I don't expect myself to do every thing right every day. I set little goals for myself that have a time limit and a definite focus. More often than not, I can look back at my day and see that I did accomplish those goals. If I didn't accomplish them all, it's no big deal. I know that I will have another chance tomorrow to achieve whatever goal I set for myself, whether it be listening patiently to Little Sprout's long, involved stories for a full ten minutes.... or cleaning the house... or accepting life/people as it/they come.... or getting on the treadmill of misery for half an hour.
It's all about the attitude folks, and I'm sorry it has taken me over 30 years to figure it out. I stopped paying attention to how far from perfection I am, and started focusing on all my positive traits and accomplishments. That change in attitude makes all the difference in the world.
~....And that's all I have to say about that...~
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Two Weeks And Counting
Two weeks ago today, I cleaned and organized our front entry. Today, it is still clean. Shoes have been put away every day. Coats have been hung. Backpacks have (also) been put on their hooks.
For two weeks, I have been able to open the front door all the way without pushing a pile of shoes up behind it.
It's astonishing. And wonderful. Even Little Sprout has been making sure everything goes back where it belongs.
Now I am looking at the rest of Barefoot Manor, and wondering what other places I can clean/declutter/reorganize to achieve the same effect.
Wish me luck!
For two weeks, I have been able to open the front door all the way without pushing a pile of shoes up behind it.
It's astonishing. And wonderful. Even Little Sprout has been making sure everything goes back where it belongs.
Now I am looking at the rest of Barefoot Manor, and wondering what other places I can clean/declutter/reorganize to achieve the same effect.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Snowball Effect
I have been trying to take my "5 minutes" whenever I do something. It doesn't always happen that way, but I have been taking 2 minutes here and 7 minutes there, and I am noticing a difference around Barefoot Manor. Monday, I even did all the laundry in the house. Really. All the laundry.
Well, I didn't wash the curtains or the comforters on the beds, but I'm not counting them.
Anyway. Today the funniest thing happened. I was on the phone with a friend, and my eye was drawn across the room to the fingerprints smeared all over the light switch. Never missing a beat in the conversation, I went in to the kitchen, grabbed a sponge, and cleaned off the light switch. I think it took 15 seconds.
Then I noticed... something... splattered on the wall next to the light switch (hey, I have a 5 yr old. Don't judge me). So I wiped that off, too. As I was walking into the kitchen with the phone still stuck to my ear, I noticed that something had dripped down the side of my white cupboard. Since the sponge was already damp and in my hand, I figured it would be smart to just clean that up while I was there.
Then I noticed the fingerprints on the cupboard door right next to the drip. And the baseboards were pretty dusty. And what the heck is that, anyway, splattered down the side of the stove?! And this black mark that I have been sweeping over on the floor for... well, I forgot how long... I wonder if I can just wipe that up, too.
Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor in front of the kitchen sink, with the stove pulled out and a bucket of water sitting next to me. I had three kinds of scrubbies and sponges (cuz I like the right tool for the job, ya know), the broom, and a dust rag all spread out around me. All while talking on the phone.
And now my stove is sparkling, oven cleaner is even now eating away at the baked on crud inside the oven, and I have scrubbed the back of the stove, the cupboards around it, the floor and wall behind it, and the stove hood.
What happened here?! Somehow... some way... 15 seconds spiralled into over an hour of vigorous (if one-handed) cleaning. All while I carried on a conversation on the phone.
It's pretty crazy, when you think about it.
Well, I didn't wash the curtains or the comforters on the beds, but I'm not counting them.
Anyway. Today the funniest thing happened. I was on the phone with a friend, and my eye was drawn across the room to the fingerprints smeared all over the light switch. Never missing a beat in the conversation, I went in to the kitchen, grabbed a sponge, and cleaned off the light switch. I think it took 15 seconds.
Then I noticed... something... splattered on the wall next to the light switch (hey, I have a 5 yr old. Don't judge me). So I wiped that off, too. As I was walking into the kitchen with the phone still stuck to my ear, I noticed that something had dripped down the side of my white cupboard. Since the sponge was already damp and in my hand, I figured it would be smart to just clean that up while I was there.
Then I noticed the fingerprints on the cupboard door right next to the drip. And the baseboards were pretty dusty. And what the heck is that, anyway, splattered down the side of the stove?! And this black mark that I have been sweeping over on the floor for... well, I forgot how long... I wonder if I can just wipe that up, too.
Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor in front of the kitchen sink, with the stove pulled out and a bucket of water sitting next to me. I had three kinds of scrubbies and sponges (cuz I like the right tool for the job, ya know), the broom, and a dust rag all spread out around me. All while talking on the phone.
And now my stove is sparkling, oven cleaner is even now eating away at the baked on crud inside the oven, and I have scrubbed the back of the stove, the cupboards around it, the floor and wall behind it, and the stove hood.
What happened here?! Somehow... some way... 15 seconds spiralled into over an hour of vigorous (if one-handed) cleaning. All while I carried on a conversation on the phone.
It's pretty crazy, when you think about it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Five Minute Rule
Hi. My name is Barefoot, and I am a slob.
Not just messy, not just disorganized, a slob.
I have made plenty of excuses about it over the years.
I just don't have time. I was never taught how to be neat. I'm too tired. I'll do it later. My kids/roommate/hubby aren't neat, either, so it's not fair to expect me to clean up after them. There is too much stuff and too little room...
....etc, etc, etc....
I have tried, so many times, to change this about myself. I don't like being a slob. Really I don't. It's frustrating to not be able to find things when you're in a hurry, or to buy something only to get home and realise you already have 3. It's embarrassing to have people come to the house, and you would rather keep them out in the rain and cold than allow them entrance to your home.
So, as part of my plan to come back to the land of the living, I have instituted a five minute rule for myself.
It's simple, really. Whenever I go to do something (take Little Sprout to preschool, go to bed, eat breakfast, take a shower, head off to work) I get started five minutes early, and use that time to pick up.
Genius, if I do say so myself.
Now, those of you who are born neat (and I hope you don't mind if I hate you - just a little) probably do this without even thinking about it. You probably sit down to read the paper in the morning with your coffee and toast, and before you head off to get ready for work you put the paper in the recycle, rinse out your cup, and wipe the crumbs from the table.
I don't. I never even think of it until there is so much junk piled on the table that it takes 20 minutes just to throw stuff in boxes and bags so we can sit and eat at it. I don't bat an eye at the kids having to push back piles of papers before being able to set their plates down.
Yeah, I'm that bad.
It's amazing how much you can get done in five minutes, and even more amazing how many five minute sections there are in a day. Turns out, there are 288 five minute segments to every day. I don't use anywhere near all of them, and I really see a difference in Barefoot Manor.
Take today for example. When I got up, it took me less than five minutes to pick up the clothes off the floor, make the bed, and clear all the Mt. Dew bottles out of the bedroom. So I got ambitious and emptied the trash cans, too. A little later in the day, it took me a total of 8 minutes to vacuum the living room. Another 5 were spent sweeping the bathroom, hall, dining room, and kitchen. And I never really broke the rhythm of my day. After dropping Little Sprout off at preschool, I spent 10 minutes picking up in her room. No big sacrifice, but HUGE improvement when looking through the door. It took me less than that to switch out the lightweight jackets and sweaters from the front entry, and replace them with the heavier winter coats.
I know eventually it would probably be good for me to have some kind of system. Something like a routine. But right now, my life HAS no routine. Instead of fighting that, I just take five minutes here and there, and do something that needs doing. I can do just about anything - no matter how distasteful - for five minutes, and I love the results!
And guess what? This post only took a few minutes to write this post! That might mean more posts in the future!
Not just messy, not just disorganized, a slob.
I have made plenty of excuses about it over the years.
I just don't have time. I was never taught how to be neat. I'm too tired. I'll do it later. My kids/roommate/hubby aren't neat, either, so it's not fair to expect me to clean up after them. There is too much stuff and too little room...
....etc, etc, etc....
I have tried, so many times, to change this about myself. I don't like being a slob. Really I don't. It's frustrating to not be able to find things when you're in a hurry, or to buy something only to get home and realise you already have 3. It's embarrassing to have people come to the house, and you would rather keep them out in the rain and cold than allow them entrance to your home.
So, as part of my plan to come back to the land of the living, I have instituted a five minute rule for myself.
It's simple, really. Whenever I go to do something (take Little Sprout to preschool, go to bed, eat breakfast, take a shower, head off to work) I get started five minutes early, and use that time to pick up.
Genius, if I do say so myself.
Now, those of you who are born neat (and I hope you don't mind if I hate you - just a little) probably do this without even thinking about it. You probably sit down to read the paper in the morning with your coffee and toast, and before you head off to get ready for work you put the paper in the recycle, rinse out your cup, and wipe the crumbs from the table.
I don't. I never even think of it until there is so much junk piled on the table that it takes 20 minutes just to throw stuff in boxes and bags so we can sit and eat at it. I don't bat an eye at the kids having to push back piles of papers before being able to set their plates down.
Yeah, I'm that bad.
It's amazing how much you can get done in five minutes, and even more amazing how many five minute sections there are in a day. Turns out, there are 288 five minute segments to every day. I don't use anywhere near all of them, and I really see a difference in Barefoot Manor.
Take today for example. When I got up, it took me less than five minutes to pick up the clothes off the floor, make the bed, and clear all the Mt. Dew bottles out of the bedroom. So I got ambitious and emptied the trash cans, too. A little later in the day, it took me a total of 8 minutes to vacuum the living room. Another 5 were spent sweeping the bathroom, hall, dining room, and kitchen. And I never really broke the rhythm of my day. After dropping Little Sprout off at preschool, I spent 10 minutes picking up in her room. No big sacrifice, but HUGE improvement when looking through the door. It took me less than that to switch out the lightweight jackets and sweaters from the front entry, and replace them with the heavier winter coats.
I know eventually it would probably be good for me to have some kind of system. Something like a routine. But right now, my life HAS no routine. Instead of fighting that, I just take five minutes here and there, and do something that needs doing. I can do just about anything - no matter how distasteful - for five minutes, and I love the results!
And guess what? This post only took a few minutes to write this post! That might mean more posts in the future!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
One Day At A Time
My To-Do list is crazy-long. As in pages and pages, single spaced long. I would love to be the person who looks at her To-Do list and does a couple things a day, thereby having the joy of scratching off a few things a day. I am not that person. I am the person who does nothing - nothing at all - for days, then attempts to blast through the whole list in a weekend.
This does not work well.
In the first place, there is the frustration of looking at an ever-growing to-do list. It's always there, even when I tuck it away somewhere out of sight. It hangs over my head, accusing me, every waking moment.
Then there is the frustration of not being able to finish weeks worth of work in just a few hours. I still haven't figured out why that is such a blind spot for me. I mean, why can't I work at SuperHuman Speed for one day if I spend the rest of the week moving at SuperSloth Speed?! Really, why not?
So I'm trying... slowly... to change some long-standing habits. I am trying to do a little bit, every day, then kick it into high gear when I have the time and energy.
Hmmm, I think I have said that before.
Well, changing your life is a process, right? Appreciate the journey, don't focus on the destination and all that good stuff. Take it one day at a time, and do what you can with that day...
What a concept...
This does not work well.
In the first place, there is the frustration of looking at an ever-growing to-do list. It's always there, even when I tuck it away somewhere out of sight. It hangs over my head, accusing me, every waking moment.
Then there is the frustration of not being able to finish weeks worth of work in just a few hours. I still haven't figured out why that is such a blind spot for me. I mean, why can't I work at SuperHuman Speed for one day if I spend the rest of the week moving at SuperSloth Speed?! Really, why not?
So I'm trying... slowly... to change some long-standing habits. I am trying to do a little bit, every day, then kick it into high gear when I have the time and energy.
Hmmm, I think I have said that before.
Well, changing your life is a process, right? Appreciate the journey, don't focus on the destination and all that good stuff. Take it one day at a time, and do what you can with that day...
What a concept...
Friday, May 06, 2011
The New Toy
Mr. Barefoot found an InStep Pathfinder for $40 at a garage sale this morning! Since he has lost so much weight, Mr. Barefoot has rediscovered a lost passion for biking. This has been problematic, as Little Sprout wants to join the "Grown-Ups" (including Big Sprout and Uncle Wolfie) on their bike trips. Her little legs and tiny bike just can't keep up, meaning she was always heartbroken to be left behind, and someone always had to stay home with her.
Well, that is the case no more! This handy-dandy bike just attaches to Daddy's bike, and she gets to come with us wherever we go. Tonight was the trial run, and I have to admit it was a little difficult. Little Sprout isn't used to travelling that fast, and the tag-a-long bike is just a tiny bit big for her yet. She panicked a couple times, screaming she wanted to stop and get off. Luckily, I was right behind them the whole way and was able to soothe her fears by reminding her that Daddy was her training wheels, and as long as she held on she would be safe.
By the time we got back to the house, Little Sprout was getting the hang of it, and demanded another turn around the block! She was so proud that she could keep up with us, and happy to be a part of the "big kid ride". She is busy making plans for us to ride our bikes to CA (not gonna happen) and the park (probably will happen) and just about anywhere else she can think of. She is insanely proud of her new helmet, and even banged her head on the driveway a few times to make sure it would protect her!
We are all looking forward to many fun rides as a family, now that Little Sprout can join us...
~....and that's all I have to say about that...~
Monday, February 14, 2011
Just Get ON With It, Already!
I am a planner. I always, always, have several grand plans floating around in my brain for projects. I am not so great when it comes to actually following through on those plans. I have quite the arsenal of excuses. I work odd hours, meaning I am sleeping when I could be working. I have Little Sprout hanging on me at all times. I am tired. I don't have the money. I don't have the time. So and So won't let me, or wouldn't like it. I don't have... well, you get the idea.
I am kinda disgusted with myself, really. The worst part is that I have been here before. And before. And before. More befores than I can even count.
Then I see blogs and articles from folks who actually do it, instead of planning it, and I get even more upset.
The thing is, I am not going to promise that this is the time when I will really make it happen. I will not pretend that today is any different than any other day. Because it isn't.
I just gotta get up and do something today. Hopefully, I will get up and do something tomorrow, as well. If I can just string together enough todays of doing something ~ anything ~ to get my goals accomplished, maybe I can change some habits and actually get it done.
Ya think?
I am kinda disgusted with myself, really. The worst part is that I have been here before. And before. And before. More befores than I can even count.
Then I see blogs and articles from folks who actually do it, instead of planning it, and I get even more upset.
The thing is, I am not going to promise that this is the time when I will really make it happen. I will not pretend that today is any different than any other day. Because it isn't.
I just gotta get up and do something today. Hopefully, I will get up and do something tomorrow, as well. If I can just string together enough todays of doing something ~ anything ~ to get my goals accomplished, maybe I can change some habits and actually get it done.
Ya think?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
How To Pull Yourself Out of a Depressive Funk
Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional. This should not be taken as medical advice. This is a list of things that work for ME. If you are truly depressed, please see a professional (as in, a doctor) and get treatment.
1. Put down the potato chips/ice cream/chocolate bar/whatever. Yes, it does matter, and if you continue to eat that your backside is going to expand into a very real cause to be depressed. Do yourself a favor and just put it down now.
2. Do a self-check. Did you take your meds? If not, take them now. Call your hubby/boyfriend/sister/mom/whoever and ask them to call and remind you to take them for the next few scheduled doses. Meds only work if you TAKE THEM, and they are the first thing you forget when you are feeling crappy.
3. Take a shower. Seriously. If you are feeling down enough to be looking at this, you probably haven't showered in a couple of days. Even if you showered already today, do it again. Use the smelly soaps that you keep saving for a 'special occasion'. YOU are a special occasion. Make sure to brush your teeth, too. That cookie dough ice cream you have been snarfing is going to rot your teeth right out.
4. Clean up the house. Even if all you can manage is picking up in the room that you were using to feel sorry for yourself, do it. Cluttered surroundings make you feel worse. They bring on feelings of guilt and clutter up your thinking processes. Trust me, you will feel better when you can see the floor.
5. Take a walk. Get outside, breathe deeply. I don't care if it's -40 deg F. The stale air inside is just making you feel cruddier. Move your body. Studies show that exercise helps with depression. Don't make it miserable, a slow ramble around the block will do. Just get out and MOVE.
6. When you come back to the house, open the drapes/blinds/whatever. If it is night time, turn on some lights. You can't expect to be cheerful when you are sitting there in the dark.
7. Call a friend. No, you are not being a burden. Yes, they really love you. Tell them how crappy you feel, and let them help you realise that there is NO REASON to feel that way. Or, if there is a reason, let them help you figure out a way to fix it.
8. Take action. Like stated above, if there is an underlying cause to your depression DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Fight with your significant other? Sit down and work it out with them. Money troubles? Make yourself a budget. Feeling lonely? Make plans to go out. Feeling stupid? Take a subject - any subject - and head to the library or online and learn as much about it as you can. The point is, don't sit on your backside and feel badly about things that can be fixed. There is always something you can do to feel that you have a better handle on things.
9. Have a positive self pep talk. So you will feel stupid the first few times you stand in front of the mirror telling yourself that you are a worthy individual. Does it matter if it works? It DOES work, oddly enough. Keep telling yourself that everything is going to be okay, that nothing lasts forever, that you are loved and loving....whatever you need to hear.
10. Write it down. This goes two ways.
a) Write down all the bad stuff. All the bad feelings, all the anger, all the hurt. Get it out. But make sure that once you have written it down, you don't let it back into your head.
b) Write down all the good stuff. Write positive affirmations. It doesn't matter how silly they sound. Write that you love yourself, that you are special and talented. Be specific, be vague. Write them over and over and OVER. Fill a notebook if that's what it takes to believe it.
11. Do something for someone else. It is really hard to think of yourself as worthless when you are taking the time to make someone else smile. Take the focus off yourself for a bit. Depression is a selfish disease, and the more you focus on your own misery, the more you feed it.
12. Breathe. We all forget how the simple act of breathing deeply and focusing on that can relax us. It slows racing thoughts and centers you.
13. Surround yourself with pleasant scents. If you are into aromatherapy, there are specific scents that are supposed to combat depression, but I find that anything pleasant will do. Lavender is a favorite of mine, as well as pine and cedar. Whatever makes you feel good when you smell it, use that. Invest in good smelling candles, incense, those wax bars that you melt in a burner....whatever. Bake some cookies or a pie if that smell makes you happy. Put some cloves and other spices in a pot of water on the stove. Simmer it on low. Let the scents work their magic. Think about pleasant things you associate with those smells.
14. Make sure you are treating your body right. Drink some water, eat some veggies. If you treat your body well, it will treat you well. A lot of times depression hits with physical aches as well as emotional ones. Make sure that your body is as fit as possible to combat these pains.
15. Above all, remember this: YOU ARE A GIFT. Every person on this earth, no matter how badly they have messed up, no badly how badly they have been hurt, no matter how little it may seem that they have contributed has a gift to share. If you can't think of what yours may be, just be patient and observant. It may be that you are so busy being depressed that you aren't hearing and seeing the wonderful things you do and are. Or it may be that the special thing you are to do, or special way you are to be, just hasn't happened yet. Trust that it WILL happen.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Lost and Now Found
Before I was medicated for all my depression and anxiety issues, I spent a lot of time writing in journals, meditating, and writing positive affirmations. Like hours every day. Ask Mr. Barefoot; it was truly ridiculous how much time I spent trying to keep my pain from overwhelming my entire life.
Once I discovered the miracles of meds, and had spent several thousand $$ in therapy to learn 'coping skills', the meditation and such kind of fell by the wayside. Life got busy, and I didn't feel like every day was the end of the world. The time I spent listening to Silence and focusing inward seemed like self-indulgence that I could ill afford.
Recently, however, I ran across something from my past that reminded me of that time. So I sat with intention for just a few minutes. Oh, I was horribly out of practice! The serene state of mind that I used to be able to induce with nothing more than a lighting of a candle and some incense was maddeningly elusive. Still, listening to my own breath was soothing. So the next day I did it again, this time for a little longer.
Soon I was in a frenzy, unpacking long neglected (but not forgotten) texts, unearthing my boxes of candles and journals, re-reading the words that literally kept me alive for so many years.
It was a head-smacking revelation. Truly. Already, after only a week or so of returning to some of my old practices, I am feeling a change in myself. Giving myself that time to rest and rejuvenate makes it so much easier for me to be productive and happy during the rest of my time. I am rediscovering optimism and confidence in myself. Pastimes I thought I had lost or outgrown are suddenly interesting to me again.
I was a doofus for forgetting, but I am committed to not forgetting again. It is amazing that such a simple thing can make such a huge and complex difference on your outlook.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
One Thing I Have Learned
It is really, REALLY stupid to try and give up smoking AND soda AND any food that may be fattening on the same week that your *ahem* 'hormonal cycle' does it's thing.
Really, it is.
I have never felt more weepy/worthless/jittery/cranky/frustrated/angry/tired in my life. At least, if I did I have since blocked it from my memory.
I am hanging on, though. Mr. Barefoot is ready to leave me, and the kids run in fear whenever I peek my little nose out of the bedroom, but I am hanging on.
Maybe I will take up boozing to replace all the rest of my addictions, huh? *eyebrow waggle* At least then I wouldn't be fussing over this nasty crud I keep coughing up....
Really, it is.
I have never felt more weepy/worthless/jittery/cranky/frustrated/angry/tired in my life. At least, if I did I have since blocked it from my memory.
I am hanging on, though. Mr. Barefoot is ready to leave me, and the kids run in fear whenever I peek my little nose out of the bedroom, but I am hanging on.
Maybe I will take up boozing to replace all the rest of my addictions, huh? *eyebrow waggle* At least then I wouldn't be fussing over this nasty crud I keep coughing up....
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Nope
I will not, I will not. Not even one. Not even 1/2 of one, because if I don't say "NO" now, I never will.
Breathe in, Breathe out....
I will not, I will not. Not even one. Not even 1/2 of one, because if I don't say "NO" now, I never will.
Breathe in, Breathe out....
Is it working?!
Breathe in, Breathe out....
I will not, I will not. Not even one. Not even 1/2 of one, because if I don't say "NO" now, I never will.
Breathe in, Breathe out....
Is it working?!
Self Motivation
Things I will be able to do with the $$ I save by NOT smoking:
-get new glasses
-yard furniture
-flower bulbs for the yard
-a new wardrobe for my skinny new body (I hit the glider doo-hickey every time I want a cig...MAN, am I racking up the "calories burned" on that thing!)
-take classes through Community Ed
-sign up for Tai Chi
-Get a gym membership
-get the Sprouts into more exra-curricular activities
-save for a car
-get my teeth fixed
-hire a maid
-buy a new washing machine
-redo the downstairs bath
-take a vacation
-buy a new dining room table
-take college classes
-landscaping materials for the yard
-so many more....
Keep cheering me on, folks! Today is tough.....
-get new glasses
-yard furniture
-flower bulbs for the yard
-a new wardrobe for my skinny new body (I hit the glider doo-hickey every time I want a cig...MAN, am I racking up the "calories burned" on that thing!)
-take classes through Community Ed
-sign up for Tai Chi
-Get a gym membership
-get the Sprouts into more exra-curricular activities
-save for a car
-get my teeth fixed
-hire a maid
-buy a new washing machine
-redo the downstairs bath
-take a vacation
-buy a new dining room table
-take college classes
-landscaping materials for the yard
-so many more....
Keep cheering me on, folks! Today is tough.....
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Willpower
Do I have it? I dunno....
Yesterday was the day to quit smoking. I finished my last pack of smokes between 9:30 and 10 a.m., and went the rest of the day without. Then Mr. Barefoot came home and let it slip that he had 4 cigs left. Well, of course I bullied him into giving me one. No way was I going to sit in the house while he smoked and not have a smokey-treat myself.
Today I am trying to go without totally, and I am ready to kill something.
Keep in mind that I am also watching my calorie intake and trying to give up the Mt. Dew at the same time. And Little Sprout is firmly entrenched in the Terrible Twos. And Barefoot Manor looks more like Barefoot Dump (I don't care what Mr. Barefoot says about helping clean, it only gets like this when I am distracted or tired and don't spend all day cleaning....does that tell you something?!) and it is making me crazy.
I am out of Dew, and though I haven't had my allotted amount for the day, I am afraid to go to the store to pick up more. I figure if I go anywhere near a place that sells cigs, I am going to cave.
I keep telling myself how wonderful it will be to not have to worry about smokes, the price of them, the smell in my clothes and hair. I keep telling myself that being addicted to smokes is a form of slavery, and that I will feel so much better when I am no longer "jonesing". I keep telling myself that I am going to save so much money that I will be able to take a fantastic vacation...maybe even quit one of my jobs!
But to tell the truth, right now I just want a smoke. Any smoke will do. A long butt would be fine.
Oh, help.
Yesterday was the day to quit smoking. I finished my last pack of smokes between 9:30 and 10 a.m., and went the rest of the day without. Then Mr. Barefoot came home and let it slip that he had 4 cigs left. Well, of course I bullied him into giving me one. No way was I going to sit in the house while he smoked and not have a smokey-treat myself.
Today I am trying to go without totally, and I am ready to kill something.
Keep in mind that I am also watching my calorie intake and trying to give up the Mt. Dew at the same time. And Little Sprout is firmly entrenched in the Terrible Twos. And Barefoot Manor looks more like Barefoot Dump (I don't care what Mr. Barefoot says about helping clean, it only gets like this when I am distracted or tired and don't spend all day cleaning....does that tell you something?!) and it is making me crazy.
I am out of Dew, and though I haven't had my allotted amount for the day, I am afraid to go to the store to pick up more. I figure if I go anywhere near a place that sells cigs, I am going to cave.
I keep telling myself how wonderful it will be to not have to worry about smokes, the price of them, the smell in my clothes and hair. I keep telling myself that being addicted to smokes is a form of slavery, and that I will feel so much better when I am no longer "jonesing". I keep telling myself that I am going to save so much money that I will be able to take a fantastic vacation...maybe even quit one of my jobs!
But to tell the truth, right now I just want a smoke. Any smoke will do. A long butt would be fine.
Oh, help.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Are. You. Serious.
In my attempts to lead a healthier life, I have been exercising every day. It sounds like a lot when I say that, but really 30-60 min of cardio every day and a few sets of weight training exercises every other day really hasn't been taking very much time.
Yeah, right. Like 1 1/2 hours. Every. Single. Day.
I keep telling myself it will be worth it, once I get to the point that I stop feeling as if a heart attack is two heartbeats away at all times.
Unfortunately, between my weight (think Garfield, here) and a family history of joint issues, walking has been taking a toll on my knee joints. Ben Gay has become my best friend, and every day activities are torture. All in the name of looking and feeling good, right? Well, I was looking around for something low- or no-impact that I could do, and came upon an old pilates workout DVD that I had sitting around the house. I had never even taken it out of the box before. Sad, I know. It looked good. Slow, easy, no-impact work that would strengthen my core and (hopefully) help me out with my chronic back pain and horrid posture.
Oh. Golly.
Have you ever seen one of those workouts?! Are those people really human? I am convinced they are not attached at the joints, just loose and floppy like my old rag doll. Seriously. I mean, to a "big and beautiful" woman like myself, this kind of thing...
Greenhouesholistic.com
might as well be this kind of thing....
And rather than looking like the graceful 'droid on the video, I am sure that my red face, grunting, and flopping around would resemble a hog getting in a good wallow on a hot day.
agr.state.nc.us
How I just love that self image. Huh.
When I got to Mom's this morning, she let me use her strider-glider exercise thingy. It is like that Gazelle machine that you used to see info-mercials about. Remember the dude with the ponytail and the yelling? Yeah, that thing.
Yeah, right. Like 1 1/2 hours. Every. Single. Day.
I keep telling myself it will be worth it, once I get to the point that I stop feeling as if a heart attack is two heartbeats away at all times.
Unfortunately, between my weight (think Garfield, here) and a family history of joint issues, walking has been taking a toll on my knee joints. Ben Gay has become my best friend, and every day activities are torture. All in the name of looking and feeling good, right? Well, I was looking around for something low- or no-impact that I could do, and came upon an old pilates workout DVD that I had sitting around the house. I had never even taken it out of the box before. Sad, I know. It looked good. Slow, easy, no-impact work that would strengthen my core and (hopefully) help me out with my chronic back pain and horrid posture.
Oh. Golly.
Have you ever seen one of those workouts?! Are those people really human? I am convinced they are not attached at the joints, just loose and floppy like my old rag doll. Seriously. I mean, to a "big and beautiful" woman like myself, this kind of thing...
Greenhouesholistic.commight as well be this kind of thing....
And rather than looking like the graceful 'droid on the video, I am sure that my red face, grunting, and flopping around would resemble a hog getting in a good wallow on a hot day.
agr.state.nc.us
How I just love that self image. Huh.
When I got to Mom's this morning, she let me use her strider-glider exercise thingy. It is like that Gazelle machine that you used to see info-mercials about. Remember the dude with the ponytail and the yelling? Yeah, that thing.
I gotta say, while it may look like some crazy circus apparatus, this thing is AMAZING on the knees. I would say that it wasn't as difficult of a cardio workout as walking or jogging, but I was able to get my heart rate up and get a good "glow" going. That is a really nice way of saying that I was sweating like a farm-hand. I just can't get over how great it felt on the knees, though. I did almost a full hour on that thing! Though my feet were killing me and eventually went numb, I never once felt like my knees were going to fall apart. The best part? Mom is going to give me the crazy thing! She can't use it anymore, and she just wants it out of her basement.
I am going to keep thinking about the Pilates thing, though. If contorting myself into those torturous positions will give me that kind of grace and flexibility....well, let's just say it might be worth looking like a beached whale in death throes now to look like that later.
Maybe.
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