And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran



Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Willpower

Do I have it? I dunno....

Yesterday was the day to quit smoking. I finished my last pack of smokes between 9:30 and 10 a.m., and went the rest of the day without. Then Mr. Barefoot came home and let it slip that he had 4 cigs left. Well, of course I bullied him into giving me one. No way was I going to sit in the house while he smoked and not have a smokey-treat myself.

Today I am trying to go without totally, and I am ready to kill something.

Keep in mind that I am also watching my calorie intake and trying to give up the Mt. Dew at the same time. And Little Sprout is firmly entrenched in the Terrible Twos. And Barefoot Manor looks more like Barefoot Dump (I don't care what Mr. Barefoot says about helping clean, it only gets like this when I am distracted or tired and don't spend all day cleaning....does that tell you something?!) and it is making me crazy.

I am out of Dew, and though I haven't had my allotted amount for the day, I am afraid to go to the store to pick up more. I figure if I go anywhere near a place that sells cigs, I am going to cave.

I keep telling myself how wonderful it will be to not have to worry about smokes, the price of them, the smell in my clothes and hair. I keep telling myself that being addicted to smokes is a form of slavery, and that I will feel so much better when I am no longer "jonesing". I keep telling myself that I am going to save so much money that I will be able to take a fantastic vacation...maybe even quit one of my jobs!

But to tell the truth, right now I just want a smoke. Any smoke will do. A long butt would be fine.

Oh, help.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, BG! As an ex-smoker I can say it is DEFINITELY worth every single hair-pulling, family-strangling, nonsensical outburst-filled, panic-stricken, anger-filled, physically frustrating moment to be done with the stink-sticks. I quit well over three years ago and have not once regretted it or miss it. My clothes, hair, car, house, pets and kids no longer stink like an ashtray. And don't kid yourself, if you're a smoker, no matter how "careful" you think you are, everything and everyone around you stinks like an ashtray, including your children. Even after they are bathed and shampooed, if they are anywhere in the vicinity of your smoking, they will stink. I can tell if I walk by a smoker in the grocery store because they reek like an old ashtray. Imagine your children smelling like that when they go to school! You really will be so-o-o happy, just be patient and give it time. it really, really is worth it!

Deb said...

I've never quit smoking, so I have no idea what it's like, but I'm cheering for you!

Lisa said...

I am so proud of you!!! Or as my kids used to say, I'm so brave of you! Have a stick of gum instead!

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

I never smoked, but my father and brother both did and were heavy smokers. My father died the day after he was 65, I took my brother's funeral service.

Barefoot, it is worth all the pain and suffering to be healthy.

Sorry to be so serious but stick in there, your Sprouts will thank you for it because they will need you around when they have sprouts of their own.

Blessings

Finding Pam said...

Barefoot, I am cheering for you! That is GREAT and you can do it.

I quit in 1987 and have never regretted it. MY sister smokes still and she smells like a dirty ashtray. I hope she will quit because our mother died from lung cancer and she smoked for 44 years. She was 65 when she died.

So PLEASE hang in there. Blog me if you need you need a word of encouragement.

CG said...

I quit forever ago, after 15 years. In some ways it was gradual in that I cut down for a long time before I quit, so that when I quit, I probably never smoked more than 5 cigs a day by then. I also moved to the "natural" cigs before I quit, without the chemical additives that make the addiction even stronger. Then I quit cold turkey. I didn't leave the house for three days. I barely got out of the chair. I just wanted a cigarette.

But here is the thing that is both daunting and helpful: it isn't one decision but it is another decision every time you want a cigarette. So you make it easier for yourself by not having the cigs. But if you go to the store, you only have to be strong for that short time you are at the checkout to not get more.

My dad tried to quit forever and I don't believe he ever really did. He said the craving never left. I have to say, I do not crave at all after about a year. I would still sometimes dream I was smoking and I'd wake up panicked that I'd have to quit again! It was the hardest thing I ever did I think, and well worth it. You can never truly be healthy and smoke, and IMO there are other spiritual things that any addiction interferes with.

Anyone addicted to anything is a slave. By their own choosing.