Lost and Now Found

Before I was medicated for all my depression and anxiety issues, I spent a lot of time writing in journals, meditating, and writing positive affirmations. Like hours every day. Ask Mr. Barefoot; it was truly ridiculous how much time I spent trying to keep my pain from overwhelming my entire life.

Once I discovered the miracles of meds, and had spent several thousand $$ in therapy to learn 'coping skills', the meditation and such kind of fell by the wayside. Life got busy, and I didn't feel like every day was the end of the world. The time I spent listening to Silence and focusing inward seemed like self-indulgence that I could ill afford.

Recently, however, I ran across something from my past that reminded me of that time. So I sat with intention for just a few minutes. Oh, I was horribly out of practice! The serene state of mind that I used to be able to induce with nothing more than a lighting of a candle and some incense was maddeningly elusive. Still, listening to my own breath was soothing. So the next day I did it again, this time for a little longer.

Soon I was in a frenzy, unpacking long neglected (but not forgotten) texts, unearthing my boxes of candles and journals, re-reading the words that literally kept me alive for so many years.

It was a head-smacking revelation. Truly. Already, after only a week or so of returning to some of my old practices, I am feeling a change in myself. Giving myself that time to rest and rejuvenate makes it so much easier for me to be productive and happy during the rest of my time. I am rediscovering optimism and confidence in myself. Pastimes I thought I had lost or outgrown are suddenly interesting to me again.

I was a doofus for forgetting, but I am committed to not forgetting again. It is amazing that such a simple thing can make such a huge and complex difference on your outlook.