Dear Mr. Murphy

Murphy's Law ~ "Anything that can go wrong, will"

Dear Mr. Murphy;

I surrender. I most humbly beg forgiveness for whatever crime (real or imagined) I committed that has resulted in the unleashing of this most terrible of all curses.

Really. Can I have my life back? Please? *whine*

Dearest Big Sprout

My Dearest, Most Beloved Big Sprout,

Get over yourself. Seriously. You really, truly, have very few chores that are expected of you. So do them. Without the heavy sighs, the eye-rolling, and the tears. Life is full of situations where we have to do things that we would really prefer not to. You had better learn now that it takes a lot less energy and time to just do the things that need to be done without all the fussing.

Honestly. Do you think that I enjoy going without sleep for days on end so that I can work, cook, clean, and take care of you and Little Sprout? Do you think I jump for joy every time I find yet another pile of laundry to be done? Do you think that every day I come home from work and think to myself "oh, joy! I am so glad to have one more opportunity to pick up after the Sprouts, change diapers, and wash dishes!" ?!

Get real. I ask you to take care of your room, Mighty Cat, and a few (very few) special chores around the house seasonally. All it does when you throw fits like this is make me mad. When I get mad, I start looking for more chores for you to do. You are a very smart little girl, so I am hoping that you can figure out quickly that this little attitude of yours is going nowhere.....fast.

Cuz if you don't shape up soon, you will be scrubbing toilets.

With your toothbrush.

Not so many years ago, you would have been working much harder than this at a much younger age. You would have been out there weeding with me every day instead of just helping yourself to ripe 'maters whenever you want. You would be sweeping and dusting the whole house. You would be helping with hauling wood. You wouldn't have your precious Wii and computer to fill your hours. Fun would be the games you could play with what few toys you had and your imagination.

And this idea you have that you need to get paid for every chore you do around the house? Umm, yeah. You had better drop that right now. I don't get paid for any of the crap I do for you or this house with anything other than the satisfaction of having a neat and tidy house and well cared for children. When I start drawing a paycheck for house work, you can start demanding $$. Until then, button your lip.

Be grateful for what you have, and check the attitude at the door.

Your loving Mother,

BG

O Mighty Cat

Thank you so much for, once again, killing a little rodent in the house. I also thank you for waking me instead of just leaving its little corpse where I might step on it.

I just have two little requests, if that is okay with you.

First, please don't ever again let me see you pull a dead animal out of my shoe. I understand that you hid it there for drama's sake, but now I have to burn my shoes.

Second, rather than just be proud of yourself for killing the poor little things, could you possibly take a 'tracking' class of some kind and learn how to show me where they are getting in the house in the first place?

Thanks again for the excellent hunting skills!

Sometimes I Just Want To Kick Myself In The Head

After I wrote the last post about Big Sprout's paternal Grandparents, I got a call from them to work out a time when they could come see her. She was overjoyed. They will be coming on Tuesday, and then letting her spend the night with them in a hotel (with a pool).

We got things all settled and planned, and then I started thinking about how strange it was that they called so shortly after I had put it out here for the whole world to see that I was feeling a little like they were pulling back from her. I started wondering....did I ever tell them about this blog? Did I ever send them a link?

I wonder if I did and then forgot about it.

Oh, horrors.

Now I feel like a total heel. It is so easy to wrap myself in the anonymity of the 'net and forget that there ARE folks out there who read this and know me in the real world. And I wonder if I have written things that inadvertently have hurt them.

So, Grandma and Grandpa....if you read this and I have ever hurt your feelings or made you uncomfortable, I am truly sorry. I truly appreciate the way you have accepted and loved Big Sprout, and feel very blessed that she has been able to know and love you. Sometimes things just pop up here on my blog that haven't made the trip through my brain yet, and I need to remember to THINK a little bit more before I type things.

If you don't read this blog...well, then. I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I haven't made anyone uncomfortable.

Dear Ms. Pain-in-my-ass

Dear Ms. Pain-in-my-ass....

It has come to my attention lately that you don't really like with me. This is fine, because I don't like you either. The fact that you are offended and inconvenienced by me doing my job to the best of my ability does not trouble me in the least. There is really no need for you to roll your eyes at everything I say in meetings or contradict me just for the sake of saying you don't agree.

Please know that when I put cereal in bowls with milk and fruit cups next to it, this is my way of saying that cereal is for breakfast. Likewise when I set out plates of eggs and bacon or waffles and fruit. Please don't ask me what I made for breakfast when I am busy doing your work and mine. Just look on the counter.

Also, it does not take 1 hour to serve breakfast to 3 gentlemen when said breakfast is prepared and sitting out on the counter for you. Please don't tell me it does.

Your job description is for a sleep position. Please do not waste my time and yours sitting upstairs telling me about your latest health issues. I don't care, and I have work to do that you are keeping me from accomplishing.

I am also not interested in the health issues of your children, the number of which seems to change every time I work with you. Do you have 3 kids? 4? 1? I don't get it.

I am totally unaffected by the fact that you cannot sleep if I am cleaning upstairs. My job description quite clearly states that I must complete certain cleaning chores every night. I make an effort to be quiet, but there is no known way to muffle the sound of a broom on a linoleum floor. Either get used to it or quit. It also does not bother me in the least that the fumes from cleaning agents bother you. It also clearly states in my job description that I am to do the cleaning as dictated by the house manager. If that means Pine Sol, I will use Pine Sol. If that means Bleach, I will use Bleach. Again, get used to it or quit.

Please do not yell at me through the house from the bottom of the basement stairs. The gentlemen we are caring for are trying to sleep, and I am not. Since you are such a light sleeper, I would expect you to be a little more sensitive to their need for a quiet environment for sleep. You also do not need to come upstairs at odd times during the night just to see if I am awake. If it is quiet, it is because I am trying to be nice and let you get some sleep. If this worries you, I can be sure to make plenty of noise all night long so that there is no doubt as to whether or not I am sleeping. But then you forfeit any right you may have had to complain about the noise.

The gentlemen we care for are adults. Please do not treat them or talk to them as if they are toddlers. Please do not act like a toddler yourself. It is very difficult to get these gentlemen to understand the concept of appropriate behavior when the staff they use for models are busy stamping their feet and screeching. The gentlemen we care for have developmental disabilities, they are neither deaf nor stupid. While they may need direction in accomplishing the activities of daily life, and sometimes need assistance with some of these things, they are real people who deserve to be treated with respect.

Though you may have been employed in this house longer than I have, I have logged in infinitely more hours than you have. I would appreciate it if you would stop telling me and everyone else that you know everything there is to know about these guys and I am obviously stupid. I spend 3 times more time with them per pay period than you do, and am there for all their illnesses, bumps, and bruises. I go with them to their doctor's appts, take them for walks, and actually listen to them. There is no question who is more well informed as to what they need.

I would very much appreciate if you would take these things into consideration when we work with each other in the future. I believe it would be very beneficial to our working relationship and environment.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Ms. I-actually-do-my-job-so-shut-up