And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tying A Knot And Hanging On

Breathe in.... Breathe out. I am........ Relaxed.

Things are not going well at work. Not really, just one employee is making trouble for me. I have the support (such as it is) of Big Boss Lady and the other staff, so I should be okay, but I hate the way this has all made me feel.

My eldest Step-Sprout is flying home from TX on Sunday (on our dime) and will be staying with us for "a few days". Wounds in that relationship have not been totally healed, so I am just hoping that all goes smoothly. I am also hoping that her idea of "a few days" is the same as mine.

Little Sprout is sick with a cold. It isn't serious yet, and I have been smearing mentholated rub on her and have the vaporizer going. I am hoping to get her to rest for most of the day (so I can rest, too).

Mostly I am just holding on right now. Again this year I am wondering if things start to fall apart for me in the late winter/early spring because of the lack of sun and SAD. The last couple of weeks have been nightmarish for me, after feeling pretty good for most of the winter. I concentrate on remembering to shower and take my meds; I am trying to sleep as much as possible (since, of course, my insomnia has also kicked in); I keep reminding myself to exercise as much as I can. Really that is all I can do. Just breathe in and out and wait for this to pass for the year.

I am trying to focus on planning my garden for this summer. I am burying myself in garden porn (aka seed catalogs) and trying to budget my time to maximize the amount of gardening I will be able to fit into my strange schedule. I am thinking that this year I will have to involve Big Sprout more than I have any other year, just to keep up with the gardening tasks. But that is okay, because she has very little responsibility, and I firmly believe that children who are raised with chores and such grow up to be adults who are more responsible and well adapted. I really don't think that asking her to spend an hour or two, two or three days a week, in the garden is going to scar her for life.

I just keep reminding myself that each day is one day closer to spring planting, and that I have made it through worse times than this. Maybe today is the day I will believe it...


Lynne said...

Sorry things are tough right now. My husband has SAD and he bought a light that he uses for 30 minutes every morning. We really think it's helping.

Finding Pam said...

I wish there was something I could do to help. I do exactely what you do, just breathe and remember this too shall pass.

I can not stand conflict at work. It makes things really strained when someone is not playing right.

Sorry too that you are not sleeping. Be kind to yourself because no one else will and you deserve a nice bit of time to yourself for whatever relaxes you.

Just know that I keep you in my thoughts and prayerss.

Seed catalogs? I have not even given it much thought yet. Today, I am working on the guest bedroom as my sister and her son,wife and two little kids are coming here Sat.

One thing I do is to make sure I get outside no matter what. Just for you, not a chore time,but Sara time.


barefoot gardener said...

That is so interesting...I talked to my doc about it last fall, thinking that one of those light boxes might be what I need, but she wasn't really very encouraging. I should have pursued it a little further, I guess, but I was feeling so good at the time...

*smile* I have been diving into seed catalogs for over a month now! It usually takes me half the winter to narrow down my choices to something I might be able to handle. I want it all!

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

Unless people have experienced SAD, or know someone that has, they can never appreciate just what an effect it has.

Then the days get longer and the sun starts to shine and the world looks 100% different! hang on in there Barefoot, those days are closer than you realise...

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

PS. Now where is the seed catalogue?