I am not kidding.
Little Sprout is going through a screaming stage, and I am about ready to just buy ear plugs and have done with it. She will most likely be either an opera singer or a professional screamer for soundtracks when she gets older, because even at this tender age she has managed to find the "sweet spot" that enables her to pierce eardrums and shatter glass at 1000 yds.
And she bit me. I mean BIT ME.
Both the Sprouts are loud, obnoxious, and basically just pushing my buttons today.
Anyone wanna run away with me? Someplace far, far away?
It is days like this that make me want to try a sensory deprivation chamber just for kicks. What would it be like to not have to see all the crud Little Sprout throws all over my floors? Or to hear ~ constantly ~ the bickering and whining and yelling that comes out of both Sprouts? I wouldn't have to hear all the slaps, all the screams, all the fights. I wouldn't have to deal with the "Owowowow!!!!" when someone's hair gets pulled. I wouldn't have to keep saying "no" until my voice dries up like the Sahara.
The most recent issue is that Little Sprout wants to talk on the phone. She is sure that her "Gunka" lives in there when he is not with us, and likes to talk to him regularly. Unfortunately, he and Mom decided to go on vacation this week (traitors), and are unavailable for Sprout Assistance. For the last several hours, Little Sprout has been screaming and trying to grab my phone, screaming and pointing at my phone, sneaking up and stealing my phone and then screaming when I take it away again.....the list goes on.
So I let Little Sprout call her Daddy.
I even restrained myself from doing a little screaming of my own. You know, stuff along the lines of "Get your punk butt home and get these bratty little urchins away from me!" and "how dare you be out there having a life and leaving me here alone with these Demon~Spawn!"
No, I whimpered. Really. I think what came out of my mouth was "will you be long? *sniff*"
I am not proud.
And then he came home and just put the kids to bed.....The dude has got it EASY.
So I am self~medicating with some serious blogging and a bowl full of Chow Mien. A BIG bowl. I would go for the egg~rolls, but someone ate the last of them last week. I'm out of cheesecake, too. I vaguely remember thinking something along the lines of reducing my waistline when the last of that ran out and I decided not to purchase more....must have been a moment of insanity.
Ahhh, it is 9pm....I am off to look for booze. Wish me luck!