I can blame my work schedule, and the exhaustion that comes with it. I can blame a disease, and say I am just going through a cycle of "down". I can blame a world that is more about "get" and "take" than "give" and "share". I can blame hot, muggy summers followed by frigid winters. I can blame Facebook and the distractions of virtual farming.
Whatever.
I am starting to remember what it was to have plans and hopes for the future. There is an awakening within me. Something stretching after a long slumber. A part of me that is feeling the return of the sun, and unfurling itself... reaching for that life-giving source. I can feel those parts of me rooted deeply in the soil coming back to life, bringing up from the awakening earth strength and a sense of place.
It seems I post this same post every year, how I die a little every winter and come back to life in the summer. It makes me think that I maybe should move further south... somewhere spring comes earlier and fall stays later. Somewhere I can feel alive like this for more of the year. Somewhere I can feel dirt under my bare feet and smell fresh breezes most of the year.
I know I won't. I couldn't leave behind my family. Everything I know is here. As much as I have loved my travels to other places, none of them ever spoke to me as "home". I love winter as much as I hate it. The long hours spent in darkness, the delicious sense of being wrapped up and warm in a cozy house when all the world is locked in ice. Winter has it's perks. There are snow days, and the pristine beauty of a field covered in fresh snow. There is the diamond bright wonder of frost-tipped trees in the morning light, and the tangled shadows of a full moon reflecting off a clean blanket of snow.
All that being said, I am glad it's over for another year. Spring is the Awakening. Spring is the time of new blooms, of a glorious haze of green that starts slowly and then (seemingly overnight) takes over the whole world. Spring is a time of mud, and mess, and the craziness of spring planting. Spring is a time of swollen rivers, and returning birds. It is a time of adventure, and hope, and thanksgiving for another winter survived.
I say "bring it on"!
~and that's all I have to say about that~
4 comments:
Your post made me wonder about did anything any happen with going back to school?
I hear you about winter. We never could fathom the attraction of snowbirding before, but now I wonder if we will be some ourselves!!!
Perhaps you are just a bit more aware of Demeter and her anguish over letting Persephone go to Hades every fall. You know, the ancient myths were based on something - like modern-day SAD.
I love the way that spring makes everything (including people) come alive - even if we are not so aware of the reasons. Bloom on!
Welcome back to the Light side, my dear! May your toes be bare and feeling soft grass between them soon!
Kelli- As always, $$ is the issue. I figured out what I wanna do now, so that is half the battle. Thanks for remembering!
Webb- I sometimes think I AM Demeter during the winter months, completely consumed by my grief.
Lisa- 'sgood to be back!
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