And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran



Saturday, March 21, 2009

An Angry Kind of Day

It happened around 4am. Work had been going....not well, but at least passably. I knew that I could sleep a while today, and things were just carrying on the way they always do.

Then the monster struck. It is my Anger Monster. It lives somewhere in the darkest recesses of my brain, and likes to stage sneak attacks on me and my family. At first it felt a little like a mosquito bite; irritating, but mostly something to ignore. Soon the poison anger began spreading through my system, though, and I was locked in a desperate battle to hold it at bay. Anger was looking for a target. Any target would do. All it required was someone to bleed.

I managed to get through the morning without taking any one's head off, and hurried home to lock myself in the bedroom. I have been sleeping since, and it seems that the lack of victims has lulled the Anger Monster back into it's cage.

Until next time....

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anger monster? That's scary. I must admit, though, I've got one, too. I usually do a lot of slamming of cupboard doors, crying in the bathroom and swearing under my breath and it eventually subsides. There have been a few times when it did have a bloodlust but I was able to stifle those urges with a really good scream in my car. You, too, will survive.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry that you have yet another monster in your life! After practically Grown was born, I got PMS so bad that i was worried for the children's safety. The doctor put me on some vitamins (useless) and Studly made me wear a badge that said, "I 'm armed and I have PMS" whenever it was "that" time!

Maybe we can make up a badge to wear... just to warn the unsuspecting! I mean, you look like a normal person!

The Rambling Taoist said...

Former Social Worker talking here. If you have this monster, then my guess is that it represents repressed rage. It's better to express anger with someone the moment it happens than to push it down because, if ya do, then it seems to pop back up at inappropriate times and generally is directed at innocent victims.

Finding Pam said...

I don't need a bagde. My family can see the look in my face and they run! Thankfully as I have aged the rage is much less. Hang in there.

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

It's called 'being human' Barefoot.

Most people don't see the problem though and rather than do as you did and take the chance to get some space, some simply explode as the load of the last straw becomes too much.

You are not alone.

Kati said...

(((((HUGS))))) I'm with Peter that this is a seemingly normal human trait. I hope you can find some technique that helps you calm this anger monster down, though, so YOU don't feel like you're in control of "it".

barefoot gardener said...

Anony-
My most effective thing to do when I am angry is clean house. I know it sounds silly, but I can direct my anger at the dust-bunnies and bathtub rings.

Lisa-
I used to have a t-shirt that said something to the effect of "I have PMS and a handgun....Any Questions?" I loved that shirt....

RT-
This is something I really struggle with. Expressing my anger seems to feed the beast, giving it more strength and ferocity. NOT expressing anger tears you up inside. So I try to walk a fine line of acknowledging without giving power...it is a struggle, but I try.

Pam-
Glad there is hope for the future!

Peter-
Hmph. I don't wanna be "human", I wanna be perfect..;)..and therein lies my biggest problem. I know.

Kati-
How do YOU handle the anger monster?

Kati said...

*snort* I send her to her room! Where she's currently shut away, doing her reading assignment and vocab words after yelling at me for giving her said assignment! *wry smile*

Honestly, when I was a teen, I'd take off on my bicycle and just ride till I wrode off all the anger. Not for the exercise value (though, that didn't exactly hurt!), but for the actual motions of getting away from whatever it was that was pissing me off. When I was in TaeKwonDo, I'd bottle it up till my next lesson, then spend the warm-up period kicking the shit out of the wall-mounted pads. I wish to god I had one of those wall-mounted pads in my home. I could use the chance to kick the shit out of it almost daily. Now, for lack of the ability to find a physical release, I cry. It doesn't help nearly so much as being physically violent with that wall-pad, or pedaling till my legs felt they were going to fall off and I'm 2 miles away from the anger-causing factor.

(ACK! I just reread what I originally wrote, I DO hope you get control of "it" but meant I hope you find a way to keep from feeling like you're in "it's" control. *shaking head*)

word verification irony: lasts