And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran



Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Brain Damaged

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the brightest bulb on the tree
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Quick as a tortoise on prozac
One brick shy of a load
A few ants short of a picnic
Half a bubble off plumb


Why this long list of nasty little sayings, you ask? It's simple. These are all euphemisms for the way the Sprouts are behaving today. How else can you justify them COMPLETELY IGNORING being asked to either be quiet or watch TV and play in another room because Mommy is tired and has a headache? How else can you explain a 9 year old who is completely unable to MOVE AWAY from her 2 year old sister starts hitting her hard enough for it to actually hurt and instead chooses to WHINE AND CRY like a little baby? How else do you describe someone who ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to behave themselves, even when threatened with BODILY HARM and a lifetime of being GROUNDED?

They just don't make drugs strong enough to deal with this crud. At least not legally.


Have you ever seen/heard Bill Cosby: Himself? You know the part when he starts talking about how his wife grabs the yardstick and screeches "The beatings will now begin!"? Yeah, that is me right now.

I will leave you with a short clip about how children are brain damaged. Funny!


3 comments:

Finding Pam... said...

Barefoot, my sons are grown and one has kids, funny how today he rembembered and expression I use to say. "We were nice people before we had teen-agers!" Now those very same words rings true for him. Trust me on this...enjoy them now bc it does and can get worse and we had good kids.

Lisa said...

Sorry the Sprouts are acting "dumb as a box of rocks." It happens. Just ask Bill Cosby.

This too shall pass. Like kidney stones. Long, drawn out, and pain. then you can move on to heart failure!

RuthieJ said...

isn't Bill Cosby just the best? Thanks for the giggles.