And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Bad Wife

That would be me: The Bad Wife.

See, Mr. Barefoot is very blessed to be in a band. He is pretty good on the drums, and most importantly he really enjoys it.

Rather than be happy for him, I am becoming increasingly angry with him about it. I am tired of him being gone when I need him here. I am tired of hearing about how much fun he has playing when I am desperately in need of some fun myself.

It really is a selfish thing, really. I am mad because in my head I keep screaming "What about me?!", I keep wondering when it is MY turn to get out of the house without the kids, to go and socialise with adults. Between my work schedule, his work schedule, and his band schedule there is literally one day out of every two weeks that I have the opportunity to do something all by myself, and most times I am too freaking exhausted to do anything. Besides which, it is in the middle of the week and no one I know has time during the week to do stuff.

I'm not saying I don't love the Sprouts, cuz I do. But EVERY parent needs a break now and again. A chance to go do something without having to deal with car seats and diaper changes and sprouts asking questions. I am so jealous that HE gets to go out away from the family and live his dream and I get to sit here and Sprout-sit. Worse is the times when we have to get a sitter so that while he is out having fun I can go to work.

Part of the problem today is that he was really nice yesterday and let me sleep from 4pm till 8am this morning. 16 hours of sleep will give anyone an extra burst of energy, and so I wanted to go out for a bit. Not to do anything special, just to get out and be AWAY for a while. To enjoy my own company for a bit.

Instead, I am sitting here with a bad tempered Little Sprout and a talkative Big Sprout. I have been with them all day, and I really want a break. So I had a bit of a temper tantrum, and Mr. Barefoot had a little tantrum, and now he is off banging on his drums in Sproutless peace while I am sitting here and pouting. By the time he gets back, it will be late enough that I will want to go to bed, and tomorrow my crazy work life starts all over again. To say I am irritated is an understatement.

Anyway, I just thought I would let you all know what a bad wife I am....


Lisa said...

Sweetie, every parent (well, mother) feels exactly that way at one time ... or many times! I use to get jealous that Studly "got" to go to work and talk to adults! As the girls get older, you will get to have more ME time, I promise!

Maybe the Mr. could Sprout sit sometime when you are actually awake and you can have a grown up girl day?

barefoot gardener said...

That's the problem! It seems like every time I would like him to sit with the Sprouts he as something else planned so that I have to either take them or stay home.

I think sometimes that I should just plan ahead for a day when he can stay with the kids while I go have a day to myself. I just never know in advance if I am going to have any energy or even WANT to go out anywhere. Having to go out when you don't want to is almost as bad as not being able to when you want.

Hmph. I must be really hard to please, huh?

jenny said...

ohoh , I have definetly been there!! We have some friends (more his than mine) that come up to their property every weekend or so, to either clear away brush, or fish in the pond, or now, keep an eye on the contractors building their dream home. Anyway, Hubby goes and spends the afternoon with them almost every weekend and I don't go cuz it's too much trouble to keep an eye on the girls around the ponds, etc.. But I get jealous of his time away, too.

No friends up here for ME to escape to!! So He tries to come back after a couple of hours and I appreciate that, but it'd be nice to go out on my own besides the food store or the doctor's office!

Hang in there sweetie!

Lisa said...

I think you should put a day on the schedule anyway! It might prove to be very exciting, anticipating your Me time. Even if you are a little low on the energy scale, I bet that after you've wandered around the bookstore, had a decadent cup of something, and/or gotten a pedicure, you will find the energy returns.

Plus, that way Mr. has been put on notice NOT to plan anything else for himself on that day.

Oh, heck, just park your car somewhere and take a nap!

Kati said...

Ok..... Majorly wishing I was closer and could have had the kiddos come over for a play-date, while you went out for a bit of "me-time". I'm sorry you didn't get that bit of "me-time" that you were craving.