And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Friday, May 23, 2008

It Ain't Easy, Being Cheezy...

It has been a rough little period for me lately. I am not sure what is wrong, I just know that something is. My poor mother has been plagued with me calling "can I come over with the kids?" or "will you come over here and keep me company?" just about every day, and I am sure she is sick of it.

Thanks, Mom, for being the best.

Most of my problem, I am sure, is one of attitude. I work hard, and I work long....but it is working towards something that is very important to me. I want to be debt free, and I want to own my own home. Pretty humble dreams, but they are mine. I should be happy that I can work this hard to make my dream come true. I should be content that there is work for me and I have the ability to work this hard for my dreams. I should be satisfied with the progress made and that should give me motivation to keep pushing towards the finish line.

So why can't I be happy about it? Even cheesecake isn't helping. Not even Turtle Cheesecake.

That is bad, folks. Turtle Cheesecake fixes everything.

Ah, well. It is late, and I am tired (I think 5 hrs sleep since Tues. morning). Perhaps after some sleep I will feel a little more optimistic. Perhaps after work tomorrow I will feel like puttering out in the dirt, and that will fix me up. Perhaps Mr. Barefoot will call me with the news that we have won the lottery and I can work for fun from now on.

And, yes, the sky is blue in my world.

I do, dear friends, promise you this: My next post will be depression and whine free. I just gotta figure out what to say.


Lisa said...

First, let me say how inspired I am by you setting a goal and working hard to achieve it. You should be proud of your efforts and progress, and I think you really are aware of your success.

BUT. If you kill yourself in achieving that goal, or are miserable and depressed, blah, blah, blah, then it may be time to rethink the goal's schedule. I worry that there isn't enough balance in your life, not enough sleep and downtime, and definitely, not enough cheesecake!

I understand if working as many jobs and hours as you do might be necessary, but is there anyway to eliminate or cut back on one job (to achieve that life sustaining balance) and still make progress on the goal??

It has always pained me to learn of those people who busted the *ss all through life to achieve things but didn't actually enjoy their life, the people in it, and the little moments like puttering in the garden. Please don't lose sight of the "big goal!"

Okay, enough preaching, mothering lecturing stuff. Take a nap, eat some cheesecake, play with your dirt and Sprouts, and enjoy the day!!

Lynne said...

I'll echo what Lisa said. I worry that you're not getting enough sleep. I've worked the over night shift for 5 years and know from experience that sleep deprivation robs me of my coping skills, changes my outlook and make me feel ill. I don't know how you manage everything that you do. I'd have been a puddle by now.

You are one strong woman.

jenny said...

Ditto Lisa and Lynne-- I don't know how working mothers do ONE 8 hour job then come home to deal with the kids and you've got THREE jobs?!?

I know why the cheesecake isn't working, you need white chocolate raspberry cheesecake! THAT'S the one you want! :o)

barefoot gardener said...

I love you guys.

I promised my next post would be cheerful, and I don't know if this qualifies, so I am gonna do a little 'splainin' here in comments.....forgive me if it gets long.

Up until the last few years, I lived my life very differently. I had a job I loved, but that paid very poorly. I didn't pick up second and third jobs because it was more important to me to be with my family and to enjoy my life.

Unfortunately, there were some tough times that resulted in HUGE bills. We were just barely making ends meet, and then thousands of dollars in hospital and treatment bills got thrown in the mix. Every time we would start to get to the end of the bills, something else would happen costing us more $$.

I decided, after a few years of living VERY frugally and spinning our wheels, that it was more important to me to pay all this off than to be happy and well rested. So we moved to this apt. and I took every job that came my way. Now, finally, I am beginning to see progress.

Did I make the right choice? I don't know. I do know that living so far in debt was as hard or harder on my than going without sleep. At least now when those bills come in the mail I can comfort myself with the idea that I am doing everything I can to fix the problem.

So that is why I do what I do. I really shouldn't complain about my hours etc, because I know that what I am doing is necessary and important. I just get worn down at times, and it feels like we will never be free of this.

So, that's my story in a nutshell. Again, I thank you all so much for being so supportive. When I am really down and feeling like no matter what I do it won't be enough, it helps so much to hear from others that I definitely AM doing enough.

MarmiteToasty said...

ditto lisa and lyn and jenny......

I own me own home where Ive raised/raising me 4 lads, and I work me socks off (no emotional or financial help from the tosser X).... and I am debt free, Ive always been canny with dosh.... and unlike many of me divorced maties..... we only buy what we need when we need it and if we have the money...... it is hard hard work.... and I know, over here, if I was NOT a home owner then I would of got much much more help from the government with raising me lads and with rental support...... BUT.... thats not how I crumble....

Keep your dreams, but dont kill yaself getting there.....


Kati said...

Awwww sweety!!!! You are certainly entitled to your pity-party and whinging and griping. And it's quite understandable that you've got these goals & dreams you care so heartily about, only to feel like your hubby isn't taking them seriously or helping you work toward them. Yeah, whinging and griping is definitely in order.

I AM sorry to hear that the cheesecake isn't helping, but maybe that's a sign that it's a good season for getting out & getting your fingers in the dirt and working with some green growing things to help release some of that stress & frustration. I hope that Little Sprout will cooperate with that effort. *grin* Born gardener that she is.

Oh, I'm sorry there's nothing I can do from here to help out. I wish I could come down & sit & chat with ya & play with the LS while you do your puttering in the garden, and give you a real ear for listening instead of just the cyber-ear you've got now.

(((((HUGS))))) and wishes for a good night's rest.

Em said...

Even cheesecake can't overcome such a shortage of sleep! then perhaps you'll feel a bit back to normal.

Deb said...

Get...some...sleep...NOW. Get Mr. Barefoot to understand that you NEED it desperately! And get your hands in the dirt. I'm aching and fatigued loke I've never been before, yet a little gardening made me feel better.

Take care, hon.