And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I usually don't talk politics....

Mostly because I sound really dumb when I try. Still, I think this one is pretty darn funny, no matter what your political outlook....

Political Science for Dummies

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but u se the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


Fr. Peter Doodes said...

Did you write this barefoot? 100% hysterical

We live near the cost in SE England and so have day trips to France and Belgium and have holidays in Germany and Italy...

You have SO caught the characters' of the countrymen and woman of those countries.

If you don't mind I would like to cut - paste and pass this one on non-stop.

With aching stomach muscles from laughing... Peter.

barefoot gardener said...

I am so glad you liked it! Unfortunately, I did not write this. It was emailed to me by my Mom, and there was no author credited.

Of course I have no problem if you go ahead and "snitch" it for your own use.

Wendy said...

Well, I wouldn't have a cow. I'd have a goat, because they're smaller and produce a superior and more easily absorbed milk product ;).

I understand that my political leanings are Libertarian (per a quiz I took one time), but I don't know what that means - I guess more personal freedom, less government intervention.

Thanks for the morning laugh. It's always good to start the morning on a positive note ;).

RuthieJ said...

LMAO!! Thanks Barefoot, this makes politics much more understandable for me too!

Kati said...

*grin* I've seen this before, but it always makes me chuckle, reading it again.