The past few days have been the kind of days when no matter what I did or said, it just seemed to come out wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to get things to go my way.
Today, though the day started just as "off" as the rest of the week, it finished on a pretty high note.
I took Big Sprout and Little Sprout to the local ice rink to skate. It was my folks' idea, and they were there before us. Little Sprout didn't skate, of course, but you could just see her joy at being outside and able to run around for a bit. She kept yelling "out-hai, out-hai", laughing, and then just running down the walking path.
Big Sprout was so happy to be skating. I am so impressed with how quickly she has picked it up. She has only been on her skates 6-7 times, and she is so steady on her skates. She spins around and has even started learning how to skate backwards.
I tried skating on my new skates (thanks for the present, Mom and Dad), but my feet cramped up within just a few moments. It has been so long since I wore skates that I guess I am a little out of practice. The only way I can skate is backwards!
We only got to skate for a short time before the sun went down and it started getting colder. Little Sprout became tired and wet from falling so often in the snow, and quite loudly let us know that she was unhappy with the whole situation. Big Sprout was unhappy with the idea of going home, but eventually we convinced her that we just had to go home.
It was a good time. I miss doing things like that with the Sprouts. It seems that I say that after every fun outing with them, and then I let life get in the way. That is the down side of things. I could blame it on working overnights, but that just isn't fair. I know that when I worked days I didn't have much more energy than I do now. I could blame it on having to work, period, but I am sure that if I were a SAHM I would find things to fill my days and still wonder why I didn't have more time to spend with my Sprouts.
It is a matter of priorities, of making the time to be with them. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have been doing all that great of a job. So I will make yet another resolution to do better by the Sprouts, to be a better mom, to show them more love and attention than I have been.
I sometimes think that is the only difference between bad moms and good moms. I think the good moms make just as many mistakes, they just worry about them more. I think the bad moms are the ones who just don't care.
Mr. Barefoot tells me I worry too much about if I am a "good mom" or not. He is probably right. I know there are sleepless nights involved and horrible feelings of being inadequate that feed my depression. Still, I can't help but think that as long as I worry about how everything I do will affect my Sprouts- as long as I try as hard as I can to do everything right- then no matter what choices my Sprouts make and no matter what happens in their lives I will be able to look back with a clear conscience knowing that I did my best.
Who would have ever believed that parenting was such a tough job?