I had one last night. I just couldn't find something I was looking for, and the next thing I knew I was WAY out of control. Crying, freaking out, shaking, the whole bit.
I hate when that happens.
I sometimes (okay, just about constantly) debate with myself over the cause of my depression. On the one hand, I believe that good nutrition, exercise, a positive attitude, making fulfilling choices,and lots of self discipline should theoretically eliminate most if not all depression.
On the other hand, if your brain is out of whack then you need to balance that with meds to remedy the problem.
It is difficult.
I wonder if my depression is just a lack of self control. I wonder if the meds really do me any good (even though I know I am stronger when I take them). I wonder if I am just lazy and impulsive, and that is why I am unhappy.
And then something like last night happens. It was so sudden, so uncontrollable. It was just this huge wave of panic and frustration and self-anger and fear.
The worst part is that it just went away after a little while. THAT really convinces me that I am crazy. For something so overwhelming to just "poof" away like that? I am nuts.
Maybe I should just learn to enjoy my craziness, rather than fight to be normal.