And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Paradox of Depression

Just a little food for thought; an open window into my mixed up mind.....

Depression is hard enough to live with, much less explain to someone who has never experienced it. I think of it as a morbid version of "looking at the world through rose colored glasses". Rather than rose colored, my glasses are all dirty and dark. I can see just enough to know that things SHOULD be beautiful, but I never get to actually experience it.

The Paradox comes in when the depressed person actually gets depressed because they have depression.

Tell me THAT'S not a mind-f*ck. Here you are with depression, feeling crummy all the time. Then you start thinking about your depression and how stinky it is that you miss out on so many wonderful things because you just can't find the joy in it no matter how hard you try. Next thing you know, you are all bummed out because you are depressed, making the depression worse, which when you think about it makes you feel even blue-er. Talk about vicious cycle.


Lisa said...

And the depressed person doesn't know how depressed they've been, until time or help get them through the other side. (Been there, hated doing that, refuse a repeat visit!)

However, there are a lot of depressed people who have every right to feel that way! My roommate after college tried to jolly me out of my mood after my mother died unexpectedly. She got frustrated and finally told me to "get over myself."

Sometimes, depression is a legitimate response to what's going on around you. Other times, it comes completely from within. The trick is to recognize the difference and get help for the second one. There is no shame in calling in the professional window washer to clean hopelessly dirty glasses.

Thinking of you.

Kati said...


barefoot gardener said...

So sorry to hear you lost your mom. I have a friend who lost her mom when she was college-age, and she has talked to me about how it has impacted her life. It really has made me grateful for my parents and the fact that I have them both so close to me.

"There is no shame in calling in the professional window washer to clean hopelessly dirty glasses.'

I am on meds, and have been in therapy off and on for several years. I am doing much better than I was. I know, because I can get upset and frustrated and downright angry that I have missed out on so much. When I am feeling really bad, I don't even notice. *smile*


Thanks, sweetie. I have been thinking of your family and hoping for the best, by the way...

Lisa said...

Well, we can't get back the past, but we can look forward to the future..tomorrow, the next hour, whenever. Sounds very touchy feely, doesn't it! Don't mean it that way.

I'm glad you have sought out some help (me too!) and it is good that you can get upset, etc. There was a time when I couldn't even muster than much emotion.

To say much more would end up sounding like some psycho-babble platitude, which wouldn't help anyway. So, there will be good moments and not so good moments. Hopefully, the good ones will start out doing the bad.

Sorry you have to go through this!

And thank you for the nice comment on my blog!

barefoot gardener said...

Why, you're welcome, darlin'

Gina said...

Oh, you nailed it! Your glasses analogy is dead-on!

I also know exactly what you mean by "When I am feeling really bad, I don't even notice..." comnment.

I, too, am often guilty of being depressed by the depression. It is a total mind-f*ck!

barefoot gardener said...


So glad someone out there "gets it", I was beginning to wonder if I was wierd or something!