And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Monday, October 01, 2007

Hopes and Dreams

I have REALLY been wanting a house lately. There are several for sale between our apt and my work, and it is just killing me. The worst, though, is seeing houses that are being neglected and falling apart. I just want to go to the owners and tell them I will take their house and make it a home so they can live in an apt with no upkeep or lawncare. Even trade.

No, that's not the worst. The worst is driving past the McMansions in the area and knowing that most likely a young(ish) couple with no kids lives in that house that could fit 4 or 5 of my apt inside. There are homeless people in this world, and they live 2 people per 4,000 sq ft home. Give me a break. Then they have the 1 acre expanse of lawn. No veggies, no flowers, no trees. No wildlife (or for that matter HUMAN life) habitat. Just grass as far as the eye can see.

Does it sound like I am jealous? I suppose I am, a little. Not because I want to live like them, but because I know deep in my bones I could do better than they choose to. I don't want a lot, just a place of my own. I want a chance to live the way my heart keeps telling me to. I am tired of making compromises because of where we live. I want a pantry that I can fill with glorious canned goods. I want walls I can paint any color I want. I want a yard full of flowers and veggies and twisty paths that tickle the curiosity. I want a driveway I have to plow and gutters that need cleaning.

I am beginning to lose hope that we will ever get there. I have been working towards this goal for 5 years now, and it doesn't seem like I have made any progress. They say that homesteading is a state of mind; that it doesn't matter if you live in the boondocks or the inner city. But it does. If you aren't where you want to be, it matters a lot. It is difficult to keep your eye on a goal out there in the nebulous world of "someday" when you are concentrating so hard on making it through the "todays".

Sometimes I think I should just resign myself to this way of life, and adjust to the thought that I will never have my place. That thought is so depressing, though. I just don't know if I could do it. Give up on my dream? The Big Dream? I don't know.


Kati said...

I wouldn't give up. Heck, right now with the prices on houses dropping like lead, you may be able to get a home cheaply that somebody else got foreclosed on. *wry smile* The problem with most of the houses now-a-day though, is that they're not BUILT to be kept up. It's taken for granted that Americans move frequently, always wanting something better, newer & shinier, and that first owner's going to upgrade very soon anyway, so why build things to last???? Things get progressively worse with the prissied-up shacks until the land is repurchased by a new developer who plops another POS house on the property and start the process all over again. And since we're not trained to stay in one home for very long any more, we don't really care if the house where our children were born is actually in appropriate shape for them to live in as an adults. By then we're likely to be living across the country, and our children will be starting the process all over again themselves. *sigh* Sorry. Rather a grump about this subject.

Good luck with your efforts to buy a home of your own.

barefoot gardener said...

I know what you mean about houses not being built to last. They also aren't built with any character anymore, either. I used to swear that I would never live in a "cookie cutter" house, because I think they are sad. At this point, though, I would gladly take just about anything if I could afford it.