I have REALLY been wanting a house lately. There are several for sale between our apt and my work, and it is just killing me. The worst, though, is seeing houses that are being neglected and falling apart. I just want to go to the owners and tell them I will take their house and make it a home so they can live in an apt with no upkeep or lawncare. Even trade.
No, that's not the worst. The worst is driving past the McMansions in the area and knowing that most likely a young(ish) couple with no kids lives in that house that could fit 4 or 5 of my apt inside. There are homeless people in this world, and they live 2 people per 4,000 sq ft home. Give me a break. Then they have the 1 acre expanse of lawn. No veggies, no flowers, no trees. No wildlife (or for that matter HUMAN life) habitat. Just grass as far as the eye can see.
Does it sound like I am jealous? I suppose I am, a little. Not because I want to live like them, but because I know deep in my bones I could do better than they choose to. I don't want a lot, just a place of my own. I want a chance to live the way my heart keeps telling me to. I am tired of making compromises because of where we live. I want a pantry that I can fill with glorious canned goods. I want walls I can paint any color I want. I want a yard full of flowers and veggies and twisty paths that tickle the curiosity. I want a driveway I have to plow and gutters that need cleaning.
I am beginning to lose hope that we will ever get there. I have been working towards this goal for 5 years now, and it doesn't seem like I have made any progress. They say that homesteading is a state of mind; that it doesn't matter if you live in the boondocks or the inner city. But it does. If you aren't where you want to be, it matters a lot. It is difficult to keep your eye on a goal out there in the nebulous world of "someday" when you are concentrating so hard on making it through the "todays".
Sometimes I think I should just resign myself to this way of life, and adjust to the thought that I will never have my place. That thought is so depressing, though. I just don't know if I could do it. Give up on my dream? The Big Dream? I don't know.