And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Monday, August 27, 2007

The House

When DH and I first got together, we lived in a charming old farm house not too far from where we now live. It had all the original windows and woodwork, was way out in the country, and we loved it. Unfortunately, it needed a lot of work. The roof needed replacing, the basement flooded, in the winter we actually had snow inside the house because the windows were so drafty. The soil was slimy miserable clay. The water was always stinky, despite heavy duty water filters and going through the softener. The heating bills were outrageous, and we spent a lot on gas to get to and from work, etc. since it was so far out in the boonies.

But still we loved it. It had charm. It was quiet. Our neighbors (the people we rented from) were wonderful. We had space and privacy. We had great dreams of buying that house and fixing it up. So many plans.

Then, after we lived there for a little over a year, I got terribly ill. I missed two months of work, and was not able to return to work full time for almost a year. Needless to say, with the medical bills piling up and my income severely decreased we were in financial trouble. We made the very difficult decision to move into town and get an apt. Financially, it was the right thing to do. Travel costs were cut dramatically. Our utility bills also diminished. Rent was cheaper.

We still missed the old house.

Now the house is for sale. Dh and I have known for a couple of weeks, and we have talked about it very seriously. Then yesterday our former landlord, the owner of the house, called DH and let him know. She also hinted strongly that they would cut us a deal.

I am miserable about it. I want to own a home so badly, and I have such fond memories of living in that house. DH and I were very happy there. Still, we are not debt free yet. The house (though landlady says they have done a lot of work to it) still needs a lot of work, and being so old will continue to need work. The soil there is miserable, and I know it would take years to improve it to the point that I could have a good garden there. The layout is not really all that wonderful for the family we now have, with two young sprouts. I am afraid that if we were to take this opportunity, the house would become a "money pit" that would drain us for the rest of our lives.

Even knowing that it would be a bad idea to buy this house, I am terribly sad that we can't. If we won the lottery, maybe. But not in our current situation. Still, I am sure that I am always going to wish that we could have, and wonder if we should have. After all, it was our first home.


susan said...

I can relate to how sad you feel, but you've definitely made the right decision not to buy if you cannot afford it. Nothing like a financial squeeze to make you feel worse than sad....

barefoot gardener said...


Thanks. I keep telling myself that if we were to buy this house I would regret it, but between the memories and our desire to be in a house instead of an apt it is really hard.