And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Getting Down

Mr. Barefoot let me sleep until 3pm today. I appreciate it, but it just kind of rubbed my nose in the fact that I have been getting down a lot lately.

I have realised that life will not all be roses once we purchase our house. It's funny how quickly unrealistic expectations can be placed on a dream. I had been focusing so much on all the wonderful things that go with being a homeowner, and forgot all about the fact that I will still have to work like crazy to get it paid off and do the maintenance and all that good stuff.

I am still really excited about it, but have just been thinking of it in a slightly more realistic way. I have just been sad to realise that life will not be 'perfect'.

Yesterday was especially hard. I went to work at job#2. The woman I care for is dying, and it is breaking my heart. She is in her late 90s, and she is just giving up.

For her sake, I am glad that she has decided that she is done with this life. She is no longer able to do the teaching and volunteering in the community that once gave her so much joy, and her family has either passed on or moved far away. I know that for the last few years she has been struggling with feeling "useless", and though we have all tried to help her keep her sense of being needed it has not been enough. I know that, no matter what awaits us after death, she will be more comfortable once she is gone. There will be no more aching body parts, no more forgetting where she is or who we are, no more feeling lost and worthless. I know that it is her time.

But for my sake, I wish she could live for ever. I have never met a woman I liked more. She is gracious and giving, smart and strong. She has always been the kind of woman I aspire to be. I am proud that she has counted me among her friends for the last 9 years, and have tried to learn as much as I can from her. I will miss her terribly when she is gone. It is very hard to see her turning away from life when I am not ready to let her go.

So anyway, there just doesn't seem to be much to say. We are 8 days from closing on our new home, the Sprouts are enjoying their summer break, and I am still working every day. Really, things are pretty darn boring around here.


Kati said...

(((((HUGS))))) I'm sorry you've been feeling so blue lately. I'm sorry to hear that your friend is dying. I'm glad that you've had 9 years to know her, but when you meet somebody like that no matter HOW long you know that person, it will never seem like it's been long enough. I hope she finds peace, and I hope y'all (yourself, her other friends, and her family) find comfort even as you lose your friend/family member.

I hope you have a fantastic week this week, and all improves with the home-buying. Look at it this way, the bank doesn't want to finance a house who's roof is iffy because they know how expensive it can be to replace a roof. They are protecting their investment, of course, but they're also preventing unknowing folks from winding up with a heap of trouble in their laps by buying a home with a bad roof that isn't going to be fixed. A lot of time, that sort of thing will be put on the seller's shoulders. If the seller wishes to unload the place, they'll get the roof fixed and soon! Prayers that this is the way it goes!

Thomas said...

Good luck on the new house. I know buying can be such a quirky bitch, but I am keeping my fingers cross for you.

Be happy that your friend seems able to go out on her own terms.

One of the hardest things for my father (who I lost last year in his 80s) was watching everyone he knew as friends exit before him.

It sucks to be vibrant and alive and realize that everyone else is gone.

Keep being her friend till the end. That is what she needs no matter how tough it is on you.


Lisa said...

I'm so sorry you feel overwhelmed and down these days.

Are you off of your cheesecake schedule again?!? Haven't I warned you that even with time spent in the garden, you can't quit cheesecake cold turkey?

You must be having the quickest house closing on record. No wonder you are stressed. But soon it will be yours and then you can stress about what color to paint, or whether to hang wallpaper!

Chin up, life goes on at it's own pace, my dear.

barefoot gardener said...

Thanks for the support, all.

Kati- The most frustrating thing about all this house stuff is that I am not the one in control. If I was the only one dealing with all this, I would at least know what was going on. As it is, I have to trust the realtor and Mr. Barefoot to do their parts, and I am feeling a little left out of things.

TV- I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I agree with you that the hardest part of aging well is seeing those you love go on before you.

Lisa- Nope, I am maintaining my cheesecake intake faithfully. I think I just have to up my daily dose to handle all the craziness right now! ;)