Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (okay, actually right now in MN, and the "far, far" part is completely relative and subjective)lived a young woman of astounding beauty. She was courageous, loyal, smart, funny, and wise. She was unfailingly kind, generous, and loving. All the woodland animals loved her, the dulcet tones of her voice made songbirds weep with envy....
Oh, this is supposed to be about The Sarge? Not me? Sorry, let's try this again....
The Sarge is the most incredible and complex woman I know. She is the kind of woman that you wish you could be, and yet are a little afraid to be as well. First off, why I call her The Sarge:
We work together (which is how I meet about all my friends). A little over a year ago there was another gal who worked with us, and she really hated The Sarge. See, The Sarge is the kind of person who is so honest it hurts. She is also an amazingly hard worker, and everything she does she does well. So, this other gal (we'll call her Squib because it sounds good) tried to BE The Sarge and when that didn't work decided to hate her.
The Sarge is also very no-nonsense. She has this way of talking that is very direct. She doesn't pad her sentences with any unnecessary words. So Squib started calling her a drill sergeant. If she thought the Sarge was going to be offended, she was WAY off the mark. The Sarge just took the name for her own and continued on her merry way. Luckily, Squib has since left our company to move back to whatever place she came from (to hear her tell it, life was so much better there I wonder why she ever came to our little backwater MN town!). But The Sarge has stuck as a nickname for my friend.
I don't think words can properly discribe the Sarge. She is a completely unique entity (which is good, because I don't think the world could handle more than one of her). Her favorite phrase is "it's all about me". She is an amazing puzzle. She has no time for stupid people, for liars, for anything that makes her life more difficult. Yet she goes out of her way for friends and family, and is a TERRIFIC mom. She embraces our natural human tendency to be selfish in the most humorous way. She is incredibly driven towards her goals, yet always has time for her kid or a friend in need. She has an amazing talent for reading people and seeing right to the heart of a problem. She likes things very simple, and yet lives a hugely complex life. Sarge always lives life to the fullest, with no shame.
I wish you could all know the Sarge. I have been working on this dang post for weeks, trying to figure out how to explain how entertaining she is with what she says, how cruelly kind she can be, how she truly has earned the name Sarge and yet manages to be one of the nicest people I know.
Unfortunately, I can't do it. While I may be beautiful, smart, and a whiz with words I just can't capture the essence of the Sarge.
So there you are, darlin'. That's the best I can do.