I turn 30 this coming weekend. I am not really concerned about the number, age has never bothered me very much. It is a little shocking, though, to realise that I am no longer at an age where I can be considered a "young 'un". 30 is the age, in my mind, where you really become an adult. Your wild college years are behind you, career and family become more important, you become more responsible and "settle" into your life a bit.
But I still feel like a kid. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever grow out of the mind-set that I am just faking being a grown-up. It is rather silly for me to feel that way. I am a mom, I pay bills, I am a wife, I work a steady job, I have health insurance and car insurance. That means I am an adult. I just don't quite feel like one.
Of course, on the other hand, sometimes I feel much older than my years. I look at myself, and I realise that the last 10 years have changed me a lot. I am not as nice as I once was. I like people less. I am more selfish than I think I was before. I am less trusting. Sometimes I think these are good things, sometimes not so much.
I don't know if any of this really bothers me, I am just thinking about it. I am wondering if I like the way things are going, if I like who I am becoming. I know that I always do the best I can every day, and I think regrets are a waste of time and energy. I am just wondering.....
See, my life is not at all what I had thought it would be. It isn't necessarily a bad different, it is just different. I have been so busy living my life that I haven't really noticed until just recently. So I am a little shocked to pull my head up, look around, and find myself in a place that I had no intention of ever going.