A Day In The Life Of A Barefoot Gardener

9:30 pm--- DH: "It's 9:30, time to get up, hon."
Voices in Barefoot's Brain (VIBB): grumble, grumble....He doesn't really love me...grumble...I don't wanna...grumble mumble...what about winning the lottery?....grumble fumble mumble....
Me: I'm up, I'm up

9:45 pm---- drive past Subway
VIBB: No, you are being frugal. No, you are trying to lose weight. No, salads are better for you, and cheaper at the grocery store. No, No, No.

10:10 pm---- arrive at work
VIBB: It's still not too late to call in dead, you know. Grumble, mumble, fudge....Who worked the evening, anyway?....Grumble mumble.
Get out of car, smell the nasty fumes it emits every time it is driven and a light waft of skunk that someone hit and rudely left in the middle of the road.
Kick car tire.
Immediately feel guilty.
Me: I'm sorry, baby. I know it's not your fault you're a piece of crud. You are just old and wore out. Please don't die tonight and leave me stranded here at work.
Enter work
Receive verbal report consisting mostly of evening staff's whining about personal problems and sniping about other staff.

10:30 pm---Evening staff leaves
VIBB: Thank the gods! Some peace and quiet at last!
Begin cooking supper for the next day and doing housekeeping tasks.

12:00 am---Finished with all scheduled work for the day. Don't have to wake the guys 'till 6:45 am.
VIBB: Ahhh, now to sit down with a good book!

1:00 am---VIBB: OOOF, getting tired. Gotta go smoke. Yikes, it's cold. Good that will wake me up.
Smoke cigarette.
Drink soda.
Stand in the cold jumping up and down to wake up.
Go back inside and make a salad out of lettuce, green pepper and onion. Total Calories: not enough to matter.
Wave bottle of salad dressing over salad in hopes that some flavor will jump out and cling to lettuce leaves. But only as long as the calories stay in the bottle.
Attempt to eat salad.
Give up and add a handful of cheese and a (small) dollop of dressing.
Sigh with contentment and eat salad, calories and all.

2:00 am----break out the exercise tapes in hopes of combating sleepiness.

3:00 am----curse myself for getting all sweaty working out, cuz now I feel GROSS with no hope of a shower until sometime after 9 am.

3:10 am----sit down with needlepoint project.

3:30 am----decide I need some peppy music to help me stay awake.

3:45 am----Client 1 wakes up and makes it known that Barefoot singing and dancing in the dining room is NOT conducive to him sleeping.
Barefoot apologises and turns off music.
Client 1 slams bedroom door on his way back to bed.

4:00 am----VIBB: I am BORED! Let's clean the oven, so what if I did it yesterday. Good, that is good. Now let's wipe this, and clean that, and.....This is still boring. SIGH.
Have another cigarette.
Drink some more soda.
Work on needlepoint.
Wander the house in search of something to relieve the boredom.
Search the fridge for something to eat.
Shut the fridge door in disgust, because I DO NOT NEED anything to eat.
Have another cigarette.
Drink some more soda.
Consider working out some more.
Decide that is a bad idea.
Have another cigarette.
Drink some more soda.

4:30 am---sit at table with the intention of making a menu for the coming week and draw up a "to-do" list.

4:45 am---wake up to the sound of my face smashing into the table.

4:45am-6:30am-----continue pattern of walking around, reading, smoking, drinking soda, sitting down, falling asleep and then waking up when I fall over.

6:45-7:30am----Work like crazy to get all the guys up and ready for work, then off to work.
VIBB: Thank You! I am so glad morning is here!!! Only one more hour, and then I can go HOME! Yay!!!!

8:00am---completely done with house cleanup, I wander the house looking for something to do for the next half hour.

8:30am----run out of the house.
VIBB: I'm FREE!!!!

9:00am----arrive at the folks' place to find Dad and Little Sprout asleep on the floor.
VIBB: Oh, that is so sweet! I think I will just sit down in this---

CREAK

---mumble grumble durned old house with freaking loud floors....mumble grumble fuss.

Little Sprout wakes up.
Dad doesn't.
Take Little Sprout home in hopes that she will go back to sleep and let me nap.
Realise that is a futile hope.
Hop online to check out what folks have to say on their blogs and put my two cents in on mine.

10:30am---Little Sprout decides she needs to eat. But not anything that I give her. She wants SOMETHING, but I can't figure it out.
Spend some time explaining to Little Sprout that until she learns to talk and tell me what she wants, she will have to deal with the food I give her.

11:00am----Little Sprout falls asleep.
I run for the bed and lay down.
VIBB: AAAHHHHH, bed. I love my bed. I love to sleep.....oh, no! Not the heartburn!
Get up, search for tums or rolaids or something.
Take tums or rolaids or something.
VIBB: Take that, you dragon-that-lives-in-my-tummy! I have vanquished you with a Rolaids Soft Chew!
Lay back down.
Sit up to blow my nose.
Lay back down.
Sit up to blow my nose.
Curse fall allergies.
Get up and look for allergy meds.
When unable to find them, go back to bed and try to ignore the fact that I can't breathe long enough to fall asleep.
Sit up and blow my nose.
Realise I haven't thought of anything for supper, spend approximately 20 minutes trying to figure out what I can throw together with minimum effort and without going to the store.

12:10pm----finally start to drift off....

12:15pm----Little Sprout wakes up screaming. She wants to get up and play RIGHT NOW.
Get out of bed, trying not to cry, and rescue Little Sprout. Turn on Bear in the Big Blue House.
Feel Guilty for parking my infant in front of the TV....for about 3 seconds.
Feed Little Sprout again in hopes it will keep her from eating linty things off the floor.
Curse the fact that humans are hardwired to need sleep.
Wander the house feeling guilty that I am not cleaning, but not having the energy to actually CLEAN.
Go back on the 'puter to see if anyone loves me enough to comment on my blog.
Either do a victory dance because someone did, or cry into my soda because they didn't.
Wrack my brain for something compelling to write so that everyone will love me and comment.
Sigh......a lot.

2:30pm----Little Sprout asleep again.
Run for the bed.
Realise that the Dragon in my tummy is back to it's old tricks.
Try to remember where I set down the antacids.
Finally slay the dragon, lay back down, and go through the whole stuffy head thing.
Get my head clear enough that I can breathe, only to find that now I don't feel sleepy at all.
Lay in bed trying not to cry, cuz that stuffs my head up more.

3:15pm---fall asleep on a wet pillow, since I wasn't very successful at not crying.

3:30pm----Big Sprout home from school.

3:35pm---Big Sprout wakes me up to tell me that.......Ummmmmm.....She forgot. But can she have some ice cream?
Pull various muscles restraining myself from killing Big Sprout.

3:45pm-----Little Sprout wakes up due to all of Big Sprout's noise.
Little Sprout and Barefoot indulge in temper tantrums.

6pm-----DH home from work
DH: How was your day, hon?
Me: Grumble, Mumble, Fuss and Bumble.
Glare at DH for a while cuz he looks so durned well rested

6:20pm----DH leaves for gym.
Feed the Sprouts.
Force a cranky and screaming Little Sprout into the baby swing so she will sleep.
Fight Big Sprout over the necessity of practicing piano, doing homework, and basic personal hygiene.

7:15pm---DH home from gym.
Run for the bed.
Crash out hard.

9:30pm----Begin again.