Garden life

Well.

I started writing this in a very un-barefoot state of mind. I was frustrated and angry and just miserable. Then I looked back at some of my previous posts and surprise! I inspired myself to get back on the barefoot path. I just got caught up in the feeling so popular today that if everything doesn't go just the way I want it to then nothing is right. But so many things are right! I ate beans fresh from the garden today and fresh fish caught in a local lake. My dad dropped by to let me know he picked in the garden so that I could rest and just to check on me. DH has been really nice with me being sick. I now have cabbage and ham to cook for supper tomorrow: chemical and hormone free as well as local!

Sometimes it is so hard to slow down and breathe. It sounds simple, but it's one of the toughest things I do every day. I still get caught up in that mentality that if I don't hurry up and get things done yesterday, I have failed. Usually, that just isn't true. When it is, I just have to remind myself that it isn't the end of the world. My DH says I am a little crazy. I see his point, but that isn't really accurate. I am just a person prone to extremes in everything. Moderation is the ideal I strive for on a daily basis. When I do something, I don't do it by half measures. It is all or nothing. So I end up exhausting myself over trivialies.

Right now I am struggling with a desperate sense of urgency. I lose entire days to exhaustion and illness, and then panic because laundry has to be done or the garden needs weeding before I go back to work. On a larger scale, I see scary changes going on in society, and I am desperate to get set up on my own land in a more self-sufficient lifestyle. I don't want to be dependent on the "grid" for the necessities of life if it goes haywire. Yet such a transition takes time to be truly sustainable. There are things to learn, experiences to gather, and finances to get in order. I get frustrated. I want what I want NOW. I live with a constant sense that I have waited to long to set myself on this path and taken too many wrong turns along the way. It makes it hard to keep myself motivated to do it right. So today I focus on slowing myself down and really making concious decisions throughout my day. I can do it if I just remember to take it one day at a time. Today I will remain grateful that though DD won't eat beans, she loves fresh tomatoes. I will keep in mind that though the garden is growing weeds as well or better than the produce, it is still providing enough for both my family and my parents. I will keep my focus on the Grand Master Plan and keep the faith that eventually things will work out right.